Brian is only here for one day, which is Friday. He is not good in situations like this, but he does the best he can. Though he practically ran out of here last Saturday, left his food behind. It's difficult to deal with when someone is in a lot of pain and requires a lot of care.
I try to stay focused on one day at a time. I've basically been imprisoned in my Mom's house now for about two months. I figure she has less than a month left. That is very difficult to say, but her mental state is not good.
We've made the decision that she will no longer get out of bed. This past week it became too difficult for her to make the attempt. We spent the previous week assisting her by lifting her up and setting her on the portable toilet. (We call it the poo-poo pot.) But she freaks out because she is afraid of falling (Though we're one foot from the ground) and now she is in a constant state of pain, saying, "Ow!" to everything. Though she's not in that much pain, it's a bit habitual now to just say Ow over everything.
She is currently on...
3 does of a Stool Softener
2 doses of a Laxative
1 Heartburn Chewable
2 doses of 6mg of Decadron Steroid
6 doses of 5mg Vicodin
1 dose of Prilosec to counter-act the heartburn from the steroid that develops
We also have droppers for Morphine and Haldol when needed. I administer Morphine about twice a day when she's in too much pain, and Haldol only when she's nauseated.
That is per day, at various times during the day.
I had the care giver instruct me on how to change her diaper. This was around 2pm. By 10pm I asked her if she had wet her diaper, and she said "No". I don't believe her, there is no way she can hold it that long. However, she is knocked out cold and I just don't want to wake her to do it, so I'll see how she is in the morning.
I'm tired of being stressed out. This shit takes a lot out of you. Two months is a long time when you can't go anywhere. I'd hate to be in actual prison.
As to her overall condition... She is no longer able to have any sort of conversation. She sees some things sometimes. She'll speak about small things, like comment on the dogs, or that she's hungry. But the conversations are mostly gone, she can't think straight. We've tried raising her dosage of steroids but it doesn't seem to be doing much. On the other hand, she is still quite aware of her situation and does not want to comply with anything we ask of her, from sitting up, to rolling over, to anything really. It means a firmer hand has to take charge and it's no fun really because she can howl in pain and there isn't anything we can do. You can't just leave her laying in filth or whatever. It has to be done. We give her plenty of pills to compensate.
I was asked if I'm ready to deal with finding her dead. The more this carries on, the more glad I will be that her suffering is over. I think it will be a very emotional weight that will drop on me at some point and I'll need some time to grieve over it. But initially, I'll handle it like I handle everything, foot forward.
Oh, and I don't want to forget. Larry watches and cares for her about 18 hours a week. Split into two 9 hour shifts. While I am paying him to be there, he deserves credit for being on time, and taking good care of her. She has commented to me numerous times that she likes Larry and that he is very nice. He feeds her, helps the aid clean and dress her, etc. He's a good friend who didn't even need to be asked twice to help out. The guy deserves a lot of credit.